What you wrote is exactly, and I mean exactly how I feel. I am at 24 weeks and 1 day, 169 days (yes I count each day and every Wednesday is another week) since I became an unwilling member of the “Widow’s Club” My Honey was taken away from me in an instant after 28 years ( we had that unbelievable happy marriage that made our friends and family jealous of us and wishing that they could have what we had) from a blood clot, we were sitting at the kitchen table, eating Pistachio’s, laughing, making fun of a client, which we were so good at and bam….. that quickly, from laughter to indescribable agony, I still think he is going to walk in the door one day and say, Hey babe, I’m home, gotcha, as he walks by me, grabs my butt and heads to the bathroom…… Usually at 48 years old, married to a 52 year with 3 kids ( and 3 extra’s that somehow came into our lives and stayed ) 2 grand babies, you think you have tons of time to build more memories, to experiance more love and laughter, to have more great sex…… There are no words to describe it,( I have even tried to make up words ). ( I know that doesn’t provide you with comfort, and I would be wondering why?) Trust when I tell you, even when you feel like you can't go on, a YOU CAN!! We even spoke to each other whilst we was at work, we became so close. The entirety of my sense of security and a large portion of my sense of wellbeing was dependent on everything my dad held up for me and my brothers. The first film we saw, the first night we went out together was “The Shawshank Redemption” and that will Forever hold a Special place in my Heart (Hope) as it did every year on the Anniversary of that first night which lead to Our First Kiss. Everything is as he left it and I feel like this journey for me has just begun. I lost my 30 year old son just 3 months ago and have a husband and another son that I love deeply, but they are handling their grief in an entirely different way, so it is lonely for me. I knew to keep reading. Before doing so, I had never appreciated that my whole life has been geared to providing and caring for others. They mattered, will always matter, so have that cry, tears are cleansing. The four of us were with her at the end, holding each other’s hands, and for that I am very grateful. My husband died on 29the July this year and I know exactly how you feel, he was my life we did everything together made decisions together and now it is all up to me, I am totally destroyed and broken and I miss him so much. I miss him so. It was a special blessing that your son found the poem your husband wrote for you; a message from his heart to you. {got myself crying now, as I will not be able to handle it when my mother or father goes} As that person “IS” part you you, she {my girlfriend who was as close as blood left me 5 years ago, and today I feel the pain/hurt just as much} in our case are part of who we are. Your right, when people, leave or die, its like a huge part you you have been ripped out from you, or from your heart, and your missing that person so much, you want to scream and cry out, “I MISS YOU SO MUCH”. I just sat and cried when I read this, it’s me, but I’m 3 years into my widowhood (I HATE that word) and I feel as bad as the day my husband passed away. I am alone at home but have a daughter and family who live 30 minutes away and a son and family who are 4 hours away, both families have been very supportive but I am very conscious that they have their lives to lead as well as supporting me so try not to impose on them too much or too often. Loneliness is unbearable. Just came across this article of your’s while searching ‘how long one survives after death of spouse’. She fell going into the garage. May peace and comfort surround you. He was 62. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSboZwHfr74. I recently lost my husband of 37 years he died August 26th 2017 he was the love of my life I met him when I was 15 years old . My husband passed 9 years ago from cancer. I’m not where I want to be but much further than I was. And it’s hard. I feel that Thank you for articulating what I feel. Thank you and may your journey ahead be filled with peace of mind and the memories bring you comfort. God forbid you are sleeping when they come back because you will lay in your own urine until you wake up again. I wa only married for five months. I lost my husband June 19. I’m truly hurt and angry at the 5 week mark. Then more, our family consisted at home of him, me his two small children (my step children) who now live with their mother. I want to support him, either staying overnight as much as needed or he can stay with me or visit. Wednesdays have become something of a melancholic time for me. I’ve had the best and no one can take his place. I experienced the same with my wife, love, friend. In other words, loneliness occurs when a person’s social relationships don’t meet their interpersonal needs or desires. Hi Maria, thank you for taking the time to comment. Today, I merely exist. And I am a 65 year old gal who has always tried, asked women out, but if the other person is not interested, it stops right there. I don’t think most people understand that there is a huge difference when you’re going through this at different ages. you captured it… I feel alone at church, my husband used to reach for my hand when we prayed… his arm was around me at some point during the sermon… I miss having a travel partner… I don’t like being in the “singles club”… for a while I thought about how badly I wanted to remarry, but then I realized it was really my husband I was looking for… he has been gone for 8 months and I feel as if my grief is deepening… I hope there will be light at the end of this tunnel at some point.

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